Wednesday, December 23, 2009

cloud of evil

This post is re-blogged from Carey Mercer, of the band Frog Eyes.

In Helsinki I once tried to hail a cab. It was snowing and I was exposed and in Canada we have a free-for-all approach to the procurement of taxi-cabs.

It's a lunatic's system:

You call the cab company and you order a cab. The second you are off the phone, you immediately stand on the street and start hailing all cabs driving past you. The reason for doing this, though it sounds mildly Iago-like, is that during the course of the cab's journey to you, there will be countless hooligans and businessmen and whoever else needs transport, all hailing your cab.

The cab driver knows that you are an asshole; i.e., busy hailing any and all cabs that pass you, in spite of the fact that you have requested him or her to pick you up. He or she knows that you will likely not be there, and decides "Well, I should just pick this other person up. A customer in the car is better than ten on the phone."

Of course, the reason you are hailing other cabs is that you know that the taxi driver cannot trust in your fealty, for you, the passenger, are fickle. So often when you call a taxi cab it does not arrive. You curse this cur of a driver, this boot-licking dog that has abandoned you, whilst you continue to try and steal another person's cab. It's all a bit Leviathan like: draw your weapon first, so that your opponent does not draw his first. I have decided here to use the masculine pronoun.

In Helsinki, when you hail a cab, the cab driver will zip past you. Eventually a cab is idling in slushing distance, and you slush over, and lean over the cab driver, as if to say "I am cold, sir, please let me in, sir." The cab driver looks into your eyes and senses the foreignness, that is to say North-American-ness, of your lost expression. He rolls down his window, and he will ask if my name is Melissa Auerbach. I explain that it is not, but what does that have to do with anything? I have money, let me in. Let me in! Whahhh! North America! Whaahhh!

He takes a deep breath of utter disgust and he patiently, as to a child, explains that in Helsinki, when you order a cab, you are not ordering every cab in the universe, you are not ordering every cab since the invention of time. You are ordering one specific cab, and it is very important, given the coldness in the air, that the cab arrives unheeded. He says that the relationship between the cab driver and the passenger is one of trust and respect, and asks why, oh why, should it be any other way?

I could feel Melissa Auerbach's annoyed shadow on my shoulder. Why was I talking to her cab? It was hers: she ordered it.

I cannot help but think that there is a model of conduct buried somewhere in this dull and drinkless story that might have larger ramifications. Existentialism: I think this is an aspect of existentialism: my actions are representative of all actions, and there is no getting away with anything. For as soon as one becomes a selfish agent, this selfishness becomes the norm. And selfishness, though it is rampant, is an ugly social ideal.

So now I must endeavour to wait patiently for my cab, even if it does not come. In time it will come.

Thus, we must endeavour, let us all endeavour, we children of Thatcher and Mulroney and Reagan, to throw off the ugly ideals of our adolescence and consider our place within a greater weave, or else be consigned, like the Euphonium player on a sinking vessel, to the vulgarities and the lunatic "freedoms" of sharp-toothed Capitalism.

Monday, December 21, 2009

noah shark

I've started a tumblog because it's easy.

Now I can have a repository of cool internet shit with spiffy dry commentary.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

back on the horse

Picked up a tweaked old prostitue from an address on Pandora, going to Esquimalt. She was asking all sorts of awkward personal questions. We're waiting for the John to come down and pay the fare:

"You like horses?"
"They're alright."
"You ski?"
"Ya I used to go to Mt. Washington."
"I'm into rodeos."
"I went to the rodeo in Coombs once."
"These damn GPS machines are a load of shit."

The John arrives. He rounds up 20 cents.
"If it was me I'd tip you better."
"Have a good night sir.
"Oh yeah," he says with a leer.

-- Post From Taxi

Sunday, October 11, 2009

shortest cab fare ever

Juliet to Plan B. Four tiny Asian girls, without coats.

"You know that's only a block from here."

"We're colllld," they said in unison.

"Well you should at least walk home."


-- Post From Taxi


The ferry is a good place to drink beer and read blogs.

-- Post From Ferry

Monday, October 5, 2009

View South from Mt Arrowsmith summit. 9/2/2009

Monday, September 21, 2009

I have an article in the current issue of SBC Surf magazine. In it I talk about starting a surf blog. I have done so. Click here to read South Island Surf.

via art-homes

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sunday PM

Working tonight, but felt the need to go to the beach anyhow. A beautiful, sunny, head high afternoon at 2nds. Took the taxi to the beach; will start work around 8 instead of 4: worth it for a good surf. Feeling self-critical and melancholy, but at least surfing is a glorious distraction and physical expression.

Surfed last Saturday, too, but neglected to make a post at SouthIsland Surf. It was a big day at 2nds. Didn't surf my best, but enjoyed the experience of sizeable waves.

-- Post From Taxi

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Some people think it’s stupid that Rastas are allowed to get stoned, but how else are you going to convince yourself that God was a guy who waited until 1942 to outlaw slavery, lost his country to theItalians, ordered hundreds of civilian massacres, and somehow missed out on the fact that 50,000 of his subjects were starving to death before being deposed and buried under a toilet?
Yes, I still love reading the DO's and DONT's.

city beat: update

I was contacted today by a member of VicPD about the assault witnessed in the early hours of August 20th. Suspects have been arrested and will be prosecuted based on blood evidence and witness statements. The victim is ok, and is co-operating with the investigation.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Vancouver Canadians...

suck at baseball. But have good hotdogs, decent beer and cute mascots. Proof:

PS The best part of the game was the mascot race, where one mascot fell down.

-- Post From Vancouver

Friday, August 28, 2009

city beat

At 11:00PM on Friday night a turquoise late-model pickup avoided a police roadblock at Yates and Warf street by speeding the wrong way up Yates, dodging oncoming traffic and nearly striking this reporter's vehicle. The truck was last seen careening onto Langley street. A police cruiser gave pursuit, some thirty seconds later. It is presumed that the pickup escaped.

-- Post From Taxi

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Is "moustache" really a French name? I think not. MEXX=quoi?

-- Post From Vamcouver

Saturday, August 22, 2009

city beat

On Thursday morning at 2:30am, a man was severely beaten by four assailants in the alley next to Still Life boutique, on the 500 block of Johnson street in Victoria. This reporter witnessed the four men kick the victim in the head repeatedly as he lay on the ground, while another man yelled, "Stop kicking him! He's a human being for god's sake!" The assailants then fled the scene on foot, first attempting to hail a cab, then running North on Government street, and West on Pandora street. This reporter followed the men and described their appearances and movements to a 911 emergency dispatcher. The men were last seen climbing the fence into the vacant lot adjacent Swan's Hotel, between Pandora and Fisgard streets.

This reporter then circled the block back to where the man had been assaulted, where Police officers were attending to the man. This reporter told an officer where the assailants had fled, to which he replied, "yes, we'll be sending a Police Car." It is unknown whether anyone was apprehended in relation to the incident. A Freedom of Information request will be filed.


This was an appaling assault to have witnessed, and I have been deeply disturbed by both the viciousness of the attack, and the lack of urgency displayed by the VicPD member with whom I spoke. While the assailants were disappearing into the night, the officer merely attempted to aid the victim. Perhaps I am ignorant of police procedure, but I would have thought apprehending the assailants would have been a higher priority. Surely paramedics could have attended to the victim's injuries while the police nabbed the bad guys. If these guys got away I will be very cross; they climbed into a vacant lot from which there was only one other exit: over the fence on the Fisgard street side. With a cruiser on either side of the lot these men would not have been able to escape. I am looking into this matter to discover the outcome of the situation. Further updates as details become available. Until then, be careful out there.

-- Post From Taxi

Friday, August 21, 2009


Reblogged from booklovers never go to bed alone.

I love the collection of globes. Someday my house will be this inviting.

Friday, August 14, 2009

tiny kitty

It's a tiny kitty!

-- Post From Taxi

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

"I just had sex with a goose, you brainwashed fucking android insect... I'm going back to my prison cell."

- Guy outside Lucky Bar who was trying to sell "organic" weed to drunk teenagers.


Sometimes work is funny.

-- Post From Taxi

Monday, July 20, 2009


Term describing the disporportionate level to which men have been affected by the global economic downturn. Men work more in manufacturing and construction jobs than women, and so have been vastly more disturbed by layoff and slowdowns. Will this change gender relations worldwide?

-- Post From Taxi

Thursday, July 9, 2009


...following coffee, pulled pork, and cupcakes. Thanks for the invite Serge!

Pink Sugar cupcakery opened new location today at 700 block Fort St.

-- Post From Patio

Death by Chocolate

Vincent Smith II, 29, was standing on a nine-foot-high platform loading chunks of raw chocolate into a melting tank at Cocoa Services in Camden, N.J. when he fell in...

Six million ways to die... choose one.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Democracy Now! today reports

Sarah Palin has announced she is stepping down as governor of Alaska to avoid becoming a lame-duck governor after having decided not to seek reelection. They also reported her lawyers have issued a four-page letter warning media outlets they may be sued if they grant space to rumors she is under investigation for alleged embezelment in the construction of a sports arena.

Way to dodge that bullet Amy Goodman.

-- Post From Taxi

Death machine

-- Post From Taxi

Monday, June 29, 2009


-- Post From Vancouver

Granville St

-- Post From Vancouver

Friday, June 26, 2009

The ubiquity of Coach

is killing moi. How did such an ugly brand get so popular?

-- Post From Vancouver

Wreck Beach Butoh diary

Day 5 lunch break

The last two days were rather hectic: after finishing dance rehearsal Wednesday aft, hotfooted to the ferry for a performance as KEYTAR WARRIOR that night in Vic (a most enjoyable event), then two hours sleep, and back on the first ferry. Auditioned for part as 'Keytar player' in a BC Hydro commercial, zipped over to dance rehearsal, then home to bed for nearly 14 hrs. Whew!

Back in a regular schedule today, just in time for the end of the week.

This is our group doing a laughing excercise at the end of this morning's class (laughing to commence soon as I lay down). Muwahaha!

-- Post From Vancouver

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

"Confucious had saying, wherever you go your ass is always in back. There are only two rules in taxi business. Rule one: there's always someone somewhere waiting for a taxi. Rule two: you have to find him."

- Wisdom of a Vancouver taxi driver.

-- Post From Taxi in Vancouver

Wreck Beach Butoh diary

Day 2 lunchtime

Sitting on the art gallery steps, sunning, vegetating. This morning's class was really good, we stretched and warmed up then ran some of the choreography. I suck at pushups, should work on that, but they just feel so lame.

This aft will likely hitup Wreck Beach with Big Tiny, who's in town to see Andrew W. K. DJ or something. May tag along, but this body will need rest in the evening; rager nights out would be unwise.

-- Post From Vancouver

Monday, June 22, 2009

Wreck Beach Butoh diary

Unwinding on the VAG café terrace after rehearsal, enjoying a tall G+T... Knackr'd.

PS what the fuck Granville street? I thought cities were supposed to have "concerte sidewalks." Yr getting my kicks dusty.

PPS Gotta find a watering hole closer to Harbour dance. VAG has annoying live music afternoons.

BONUS GPOYM: H&M dressing room edition.

New shorts. Yes I feel like a dork posting this. Had to run for the ferry and forgot to transfer shorts from my suitcase.

-- Post From Vancouver

Wreck Beach Butoh diary

Day 1 lunch break

Up late last night packing and puttering. Slept 3:30-5:30. Came over on first ferry. 1 sailing wait, so left car (and suitcase) at Barnacle Rd., essentials in handbag, walked on. Bus to downtown was 15 minutes coming over bridge.

Arrived 10:00ish, straight into dance training. Expressive walks, cartwheels, Butoh walking. My body is just waking up again. Insupressable laughter bubbling up.

"Happiness is solid, joy liquid." - JD Salinger quoted in Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell

-- Post From Vancouver

Show! Wednesday! Come and see!

In Van for two weeks attending dance workshop. Back Wednesday night only for above radness.

(Aside: found out I was playing gig when invited to event via facebook. Didn't even have chance to say nu. Internet, ye gods.)

-- Post From Vancouver

Thursday, June 18, 2009

woman soldier on the street
Jerusalem, May 2008
Leica M6 on colour transparency

from the archive

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

bacon wrapped hot dog

@ Pig BBQ Joint. Blog anything bacon wrapped.

-- Post From Taxi

death machine

Honda Honda go faster faster

-- Post From Taxi
Toronto from the AGO 5th floor
Ontario College of Art and Design
AGO exterior, sunset
AGO east entrance

photo exhibit at Cafe Fantastico

Matt Savage and I have hung a collaborative photo exhibit at Cafe Fantastico in the Cook Street Village Food Court. It features fashion designs by Kim Krempien, and our friends Brazley, Skott and Megan as models. Go check it out!


This is my next Keytar Warrior gig, for those who are interested in such things.

this is killer

Photograph of my t-shirt by Malcolm Johnson

-- Post From Taxi

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Liveblogging the AGO

After more than six hours exlopring the collections I've finally retired to the bar for a restorative G&T. The AGO is humongous. I thought I was through an hour ago, but it turned out I'd missed a fair amount of the main floor, including important works. I doubled back to cover these exhibits. I was impressed with the exhibit of Cologne dadaists/the stupid group, and especially enjoyed a special exhibit of prints by Inuit women on display in the print and drawing study room on Wednesday evenings. I also haven't yet had a chance to go through either the Inuit visible storage or the Grange annex. Tampis, next time.

I'm especially impressed with the various collections of Inuit prints and carvings found throughout the museum. I once took a course on Inuit art at UVic. I found it particularly compelling, and so now am drawn to this work; I feel that I understand it to some degree. The recent seal meat controversy has only served to heighten my interest.

On a tangental note, I'm returning to Victoria tomorrow, and will be hanging a series of photographs by myself and Matt Savage at the Cook Street Village Food Court. The photos feature our friends Brazley, Skott and Meagan modelling fashion designs by Kim Krempien. The opening will be on Friday from 4-6, please come.

-- Post From Toronto

Liveblogging the AGO

I've just climbed the massive spiral staircase to the fifth floor café (there's a cute cheering soundtrack at the top), after seeing the first floor and basement. The 'remix' exhibit of contemporary aboriginal artists was cool, as were the model ships in the basement. The most affecting image I've seen so far was the Slaughter of the Innocents, a beautifully rendered painting of babies being dashed on marble columns and women being put to the sword. Ugh.

I'm now refuelling before tackling three more floors of contemporary, Canadian and African art. The AGO rules. Sorry VAG, but your collections don't hold a candle. But you do have a nicer patio and café. ;D

-- Post From Toronto

Liveblogging Toronto

Going to the AGO!!! So stoked, I love art galleries.

-- Post From Toronto

Monday, June 8, 2009

c'est what?

We've met up with Josh's friend Max for dinner. He lives in the neighborhood, and was formerly (recently) an intern at VICE magazine:

He did production for VBS tv. We're now at 'c'est what?' meeting another friend, Maria, who got into the Neil Gaiman thing on a press pass (as a blogger: I'm demanding a play by play. ;)

PS here's me in my grandmother's trenchcoat:

-- Post From Toronto

scalper tickets

Standing outside St. Lawrence centre for the arts trying to buy scalper tickets to Neil Gaiman. No luck so far.

Here's Josh:

Josh's friend had a press pass. Lucky girl.

-- Post From Toronto


stopping for a cocktail.

it's a scotch & soda.

-- Post From Toronto

Tiger of Sweden

at Model Citizen

Want this suit.

Bought a tie instead:

Thanks Max!

-- Post From Toronto